Off With Her Beard!
by Lilyevansmrspotter
Summary: The bearded dwarf women have always been hidden from the real world of Middle Earth. But what happens when Kilia, a young dwarf girl, decides to be different? From shaving off her beard to meeting an elf, how far is she willing to go to find her place in Middle Earth? (Not a Legomance)
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This story was co-written with my friend. Everything you recognize does not belong to us, it belongs to J.R.R Tolkien. Please read and review!**

"Is that a new pattern, Bombu?"

"Oh yes, Balini. I just learned this technique in which you can make a continuous braid continuing from your head to your beard."

"Oh, that is lovely. You must teach it to me sometime."

It was a summer afternoon in the great city of Erebor. Deep inside the mountain, a ring of dwarf women sat cozily in their beard-braiding circle. The women were chattering and gossiping, all while braiding their beards into elaborate designs. Their chatter mostly consisted of their normal lives, living inside the mountain. There was, however, a particular dwarf in this circle—a dwarf woman named Kilia. She was the youngest amidst the group of dwarves, and her ideas were quite different from the rest. Living inside the mountain her whole life, she longed to see the world outside Erebor—to see the kingdoms of elves and men in the vast world past the stone walls. Kilia often brought these Ideas and stories she heard of the outside world to the beard-braiding circle. Most of the time, her ideas were just passed off as silly nonsense, and sometimes even looked down upon. Most dwarf women were perfectly content with the lifestyle that had been followed for centuries in the mountain. But Kilia wanted to be different. She hungered to break away from the traditional lifestyle she had been trapped in her whole life. On this particular day, she decided to take her ideas to the circle.

"I was thinking," Kilia suddenly spoke uup, "that since it's now the Fourth Age…"

All the women paused to listen, but did not look away from their beards.

Taking a deep breath, Kilia continued. "Maybe we could try something new. You know, different than usual."

"And what would that mean?" Kilia's sister Filia inquired.

"Well, maybe…"

Everyone waited expectantly, and slightly annoyed.

"We could shave your beards!" Kilia finally declared.

Right then, a dead silence fell upon the circle. Kilia thought she heard Bombu faint. In another corner, Balini's bottle of beard gel clattered on the floor. For once, every dwarf woman paused braiding their facial hair. All they could do was just star in utter shock and disbelief—that someone would ever think, and speak of such a horrendous idea. In the unbearable silent atmosphere, Kilia could feel the heat building up in her ears. Finally, Garine, the eldest and most experienced woman of the circle, broke the silence.

"That is the most outrageous thing I have ever heard," she boomed. As she rose from her chair, Kilia could see Garine's elaborately woven beard unfold to her waist. Kilia, trying her best to be courageous, decided to speak back.

"Dwarf women have had beards since the First Age!" she shot back. "Why not change that? What harm could it do? Besides, beards are considered unfeminine in every other culture!"

Garine took one step towards Kilia, hands crossed over her chest. Kilia shrank back as the figure loomed over her.

"There is a reason why we stay to the ways we have," she said harshly. "Your silly nonsense and daydream will cause trouble for you one day."

Kilia looked down shamefully.

"I suggest you keep your thoughts to yourself." Garine said with finality as she returned to her seat. It was over. Everyone suddenly hurried to continue on their beards, trying to ignore what just happened.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: This story was co-written with my friend, M. Pomegranette. Everything you recognize belongs to J.R.R Tolkien, not us.**

Kilia slowly sat up, stretching her legs. All the other dwarf women around her were doing the same, although they chatted loudly, exchanging beard patterns. She was exhausted from her efforts at trying to provide new ideas for the women to try out, but Garine had shot her down pretty quick. She felt angry too—why couldn't they see that sticking to these traditions, constantly being shielded from the real world, were exactly the opposite of what they _should_ be doing? Did none of them yearn to see the outside of these caves?

Feeling trapped, Kilia morosely stepped out of the cave and ran to her chambers. She bolted stone door behind her and leaned against it, breathing heavily. Kilia's eyes darted madly around the room until they came to rest on her short knife she always kept beside her bed.

Numbly, she walked over and picked it up with delicate fingers. The dwarf felt like she was breaking all the traditions of her kind. And in a way, she was. Now, she sat down on the cold stone stool in font of her crudely shaped mirror, and slowly tied her long ginger hair back. Kilia ran a comb through the short braids that framed her jaw, chin, and right above her lips. Sucking in a deep breath, she slashed the knife through her beard. She let out an unexpected yelp of pain, but bit her lip, cutting the cry the short. Over the next few hours, Kilia chopped and hacked at the beard until she had a small amount of stubble framing her face. Now delicately and carefully she shaved off the rest of her beard, wincing as she accidentally nicked herself right on the chin.

_Great,_ she thought dryly. _That will be easy to cover up. I expect most women in the outside world have great, gaping, gashes on their faces. _Kilia hastily grabbed one of her undergarments lying on the ground and dabbed on her chin, in the process of knocking over a candle. She jumped up, pushing a stool over which landed with a loud CRACK on the floor and stomped out the candle.

Sweating profusely and breathing loudly, Kilia nervously glanced at the door, expecting a dwarf legion to come pounding into her room. When no one came, she slowly bent over and righted her stool. There was a crack in the seat and a dent in the ground where it fell, but otherwise, things were relatively unharmed.

Kilia took a deep calming breath. _Think jewels and gems,_ she told herself. Taking extreme caution, she began to trim off the last of her beard. When she finished, she leaned in closer to examine her face. She almost didn't recognize the pale face that stared back at her. Pale blue eyes that looked slightly crazed narrowed as they took in her appearance. She thought she looked normal. At least a little more like the pictures of women in books she read. But she was by no standards the most beautiful woman. She had rounded cheeks and a rather sharp chin. Her nose was also taller than most female humans' but other than that, she felt almost human.

_Ha, if Garine could see me now…_

She mused then burst into a raucous fit and of giggles. She could almost picture the cranky old dwarf with her thick eyebrows knit together in disapproval and the way her nostrils would flare. Still grinning, she appraised herself in a lighter mood. She was unnaturally pretty, by dwarf standards, as her cousin Gimli would always say. But was that enough?

Would the humans instantly recognize her for what she was? Banishing these thoughts from her mind, she stood up, letting the locks of hair she cut flutter to the ground. She felt an unfamiliar chill in the cool caves, which she had never felt before with her beard to insulate her face. Looking around, she grabbed a pair of leggings and wrapped them around her face, only leaving her eyes peeking out _There, _she thought. _ Much better. _


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: This story was co-written by my friend M. Pomegranette. Everything you recognize belongs to J.R.R Tolkien. Only the plot belongs to us. Please read and review!**

Kilia took a deep breath, then finally knocked three times on cousin Gimli's door. Almost immediately, she heard the muffled sound of an angry voice.

"Can't a dwarf get a single second of peace?!"

For a moment, the harshness of the dwarf's protest made Kilia consider turning to some other source for advice. Before she could, however, the door swung open and there stood the face of a very perturbed Gimli.

"And what business would a hobbit have in Erebor?"

Hobbit? Kilia certainly hadn't prepared for that response. "C-Cousin Gimli…it's me," she managed to stutter.

Gimli eyed her suspiciously. "Young lass, as far as I'm concerned, none of my relatives have ever been or will be Halflings! Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm very busy and not in the mood to entertain a bumbling HOBBIT!" A very impatient Gimli turned back to his cave, muttering,"Stupid hobbits."

"Wait!" cried Kilia. "Don't you even recognize your own cousin Kilia?

Gimli froze. The annoyance suddenly drained from his face. "Ki-Ki? Is it really ye?"

Kilia smiled. Normally, she would have told her cousin to "keep his mouth behind his beard" at the mention of her embarrassing childhood nickname. Still, she was currently more relieved than annoyed, and decided to let it slip,just this once.

At the moment, if it weren't for his bushy beard, Gimli definitely would have been blushing. "Well, where in Middle Earth has yer beard gone?" Gimli couldn't seem to believe his eyes.

"I'll explain later. It's a long story," Kilia said with a wave of relief.

"I knew ye looked a wee bit too tall for a hobbit," Gimli chuckled, "come in, come in."

Kilia stepped into Gimli's cave. It was more than a cave—to a dwarf, it seemed closer to a mansion. The roof was at least twice as tall as a normal dwarf's chamber. The dark walls of stone were smoothly polished. On one wall, maps of every charted area of Middle earth were spread, covering the floor to the ceiling. On another wall Gimili's impressive collection of weapons was proudly displayed. Kilia probably could have stood there and gazed at the weapons fo

r hours, but her focus was broken by Gimli's voice.

"Can I get ye anything?" Gimli yelled from the pantry. "Ale?"

"No thank y—"

Kilia's train of thought suddenly broke as she saw what was standing just to the side of her—the tallest man she had ever seen. (Then again, she was a dwarf.) Kilia froze in amazement as she looked up at his face. She was captivated by his sheer beauty. Her attention was instantly fixed to his beautiful, golden hair that fell to his shoulders, and also the lack of hair on his face. Kilia's eyes veered towards his pointed ears…

He's an elf! she suddenly realized. What is he doing here? Kilia felt horrified, and thrilled at the same time. The young dwarf had never seen a real elf before. What was she supposed to think?

Finally, it was Gimli who broke the silence. "Ah, I see ye've met me friend here," he grinned as he saw his cousin's eyes bug out of her petrified face.

Kilia still couldn't manage to take her eyes off the elf. She couldn't help but just stand there, gawking in disbelief. All she could muster was, "He's an elf."

"Aye, and the best there be," Gimli declared. "It's about time ye met him."

Smiling, the elf glided over. Kilia fought the urge to turn and run as fast as she could, away from the figure that towered over her. But her feet remained planted in the ground.

"I am Legolas," he introduced. "It is a pleasure to meet you."

"Kilia", the dwarf said weakly, almost in a whisper.

"It is an honor to meet the kin of Gimli," Legolas responded. Even his voice was stunning to Kilia. It just sounded different, at least from dwarves—Formal and elegant, yet strong and firm, smooth as silk. By this time, sweat was pouring off of Kilia. She felt dizzy, from shock. Most likely sensing her discomfort, Gimli finally stopped chucking and fetched Kilia a chair. Relieved, Kilia collapsed into it. She didn't think her legs would support her any longer.

"Now, you promised to explain this bearded madness," Gimli noted.

Despite her exhaustion, Kilia somehow still found the ability to talk. "Yes," she answered, her eyes still glued to the elf. For some unexplainable reason, it was just so difficult to take her eyes off him. Finally, she diverted her attention, having to practically pull her eyes away. "Well, this afternoon in the beard-braiding circle…" Kilia began her story. She spoke strongly and eagerly about the uproar in the circle, how she stood up to old Garine, how the room fell silent, and when she got back to her chamber—

Kilia paused. She wondered how she should explain the next part.

"We're waiting," Gimli grumbled.

"—When I got to my chamber, I shaved my beard off with a small blade."

Gimli suddenly burst out in bold laughter. He nearly was rolling on the ground, laughing. Kilia looked down, feeling ashamed. Her eyes flitted over to Legolas. She could see the amusement building in his eyes, and she noticed just how embarrassed she was. To be discussing such a ridiculous topic in the presence of a complete stranger, an elf… Kilia could feel the heat building up behind her ears. She didn't know how much more humiliation she could take. Finally, it was Legolas who saved her.

"Perhaps I could be of aid to this young and ambitious dwarf," he calmly suggested, as he strolled over to the wall covered in maps. "If I am correct, you seek to experience the world outside Erebor?"

"Yes." Kilia whispered.


End file.
